u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
