Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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