I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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