i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
