if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize