There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
