in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
