what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she told me i tasted like america
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
