Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
