Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
