She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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