every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
