Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
