It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
