Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
