im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
