normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
