That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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