grandma shit on top of the toilet
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
