Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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