oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
