Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Your dad touched me again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You are the jesus of drinking
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
