i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
