dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I understand Curling. That high.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
