I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I will be naked everywhere
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
