I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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