If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
