2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
