Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
