i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
