I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
