Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
