I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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