rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
