Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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