Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
