You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
