fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
