I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
