forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
