Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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