I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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