i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
