I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We need to get me chipped asap
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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