I cannot find my penis.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
