she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
