At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
