remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
