so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
