Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
