im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
