sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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