she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
