we're chasing vodka with high fives
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
