Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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