never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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