Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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