dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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