I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
