Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
