I think I won the penis lottery.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
