they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
