i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They took my balls.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
