2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
