Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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