Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
