So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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