my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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