So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
